Monday, July 14, 2008

Moment of Truth

In a recent post I said that I almost never cry. I think the truth might be that I almost never let myself cry. Tonight has been an exception to that. I just finished reading Kristin Hannah's Firefly Lane and there was no way I was going to stop the tide of tears.

The problem is that once they start flowing, the tears take on a life of their own. No longer am I crying for the characters in the book, rather I am crying for the pain and hurts of this life.

One minute I'm standing by the hospital bed of my dear sister-in-law Bonnie kissing her goodnight for the last time. Remembering all the crazy and zany things we did as teenagers, or reliving one of our great vacation trips.

Then there are tears for my precious brother who I loved with all my heart. I can see his face and hear his voice, and I cry for all the time we will never have. I cry for my sister who is gone; whose life was never quite what she wanted it to be. There are tears for my parents; my friend Nadine who died so very young.

Then the broken dreams and disappointments hidden so deep in my heart they rarely see the light. Not until that unguarded moment, sitting alone on the porch reading a novel that breaks the dam of self-control and lets all the hurt and loss tumble forth.

In retrospect, isn't it healthy once in awhile to let one's guard down, to cry a few cleansing tears? I guess I'll have to be more careful about my choice of books in the future. Or maybe not.

Hippo Hugs


Tracy said...

Oh NO! I'm about 2/3 of the way through Firefly Lane... I'm gonna CRY?! shucks. Truthfully I love books that really get to me. When I read Marley & Me I finished with tears pouring down my face. Brian asked me, "Why do you READ that?!" Sniff, Sniff - "Because I love it."
(I'm not usually one to cry either)

Mississippi Songbird said...

I cry very easily..I'm crying now..
But sometimes, it feels good to cry, It releases the tension.. I'll have to get the book.. Bunches of hugs to you.. Now my mascara is running.. Oh wait.. It's waterproof..

Cheryl Wray said...

Yep, books make me cry too. The girls will just shake their heads and laugh at me when I'm doing it. I guess the worst was when I cried like a baby throughout almost the entire 7th Harry Potter book; they thought I was crazy!!!

Sometimes it's just good to have a good cry. It can do wonders for you. And, you know.... none of our lives are perfect and we all struggle.No one is immune from heartache. But you have survived and I know your faith has pulled you through a lot of stuff.

Have a WONDERFUL day (and next book needs to be a happy book. lol)

Diane said...

I cry over everything, happy or sad. I've always said that when I get to the point of running out of tears, others will be shedding their own tears when I go meet the Lord. Steve cries easily too. Emotions...they're so healthy. It means we have a heart.

Hugs to you, my friend...

Nancy said...

NOW I think I am going to have read that book! I could use a good cry. I've done my share of crying, but I seldom cry anymore....guess I've become kind of hardnosed, having to take care of myself and all for the past 11 years. But, Pam, I feel it really does cleanse the soul of pain and is good to let it all out sometimes.

I'm sorry you had a bad evening. Losing loved ones is hard. Just remember, God never gives us a load bigger than we can carry. You are a strong always were, even when we were in high school. So keep your chin've got a lot of friends out here in Blogland who love ya!!!


Renie Burghardt said...

Oh Pam,

I'm like you as well. I cry over a story, over hearing something on the news, over something sad, and even over something happy. Crying is good. It does cleanse the soul. Your memories of loved ones brought tears to my eyes, and brought memories of losing my own loved ones and friends, so more tears.

Such a touching post, Pam. Be happy that you can write something that can touch others.



Nancy said...

You asked how do I shop at Starbucks....Well, we didn't shop at Starbucks...we went to Anna's Linens looking for stuff. Yes, "stuff." LOL And you know how I feel about "stuff." I wanted their cheap beach towels for the cat beds, but they were sold out! Anyhow, I got a beautiful ceramic deep pie plate in a bright orange-red color, and wouldn't you know it? When I got home and took it out to wash it, it had a hairline crack in it!!! So back to that store tomorrow!!! Going close to there anyhow to get my oil changed at the import garage where I go, but still, it's a nuisance to have to take something back and exchange it, way on the upper side of the city! Good grief! I hate the traffic through the city...gimme an interstate, and I don't mind the driving at all then!

So we just ate lemon pound cake and drinks today at Starbucks. I'm really not all that crazy over Starbucks myself. I don't like strong coffee...but today I had a Chocolatety Chocolate Chip drink. It was pretty good, but I'd just as soon had a big chocolate milkshake! ha-ha The lemon pound cake was good, though, so I'll just stick to Starbucks' sweets! LOL

Sorry that I confused you on the shopping. We DID look at all the mugs, etc. they had there for sale, though, but I don't really have room for anything else in my cupboards as it is. I told Diane that the pie plate would have to be stored in my oven! Really, I'm serious! LOL I need to get rid of a LOT more stuff around here! I am beginning to feel like an old pack rat! Maybe that goes with aging, I don't know.....LOL

Redhead Editor said...

Books are a good way to get the tears out. My mother rarely cried, but she would have me sit up and watch late night movies with her, and we would cry like babies. I never understood how cathartic that was. You cry all you want, Hippo. In my current condition, I think I'll stay away from Firefly Lane. Thanks for visiting my blog.